Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
