I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
