I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize