walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
