All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
