My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
