do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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