literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize