thus making me awesome and them whores
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
