what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
