My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize