my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
