dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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