Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
