he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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