i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
