today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
