actually, I'm a sock model
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
