If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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