Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
