dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
