u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
