hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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