why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
