you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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