She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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