remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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