I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
