Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
