Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
What a fucking waste of an outfit
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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