So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
