Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
time to smoke my breakfast
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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