its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have feelings that need drinking.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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