Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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