So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
