There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
don't judge my taste in strippers
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
