I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
