I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
