why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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