I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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