She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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