Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
