nutella sex= disaster
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
