Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
