Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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