this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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