I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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