Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
