I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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