umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
