My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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