Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize