Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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