Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
