He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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