You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize