You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
