I'm drive I can fine osifer
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
