I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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