come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
