Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
