Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
