i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
