FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
