Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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