Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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