hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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