do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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