My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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