I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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