Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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