party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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