I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think my vagina is haunted
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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