she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize