Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
