wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
