here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
