you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
