he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
