just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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