you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you didnt know i had herpes?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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