he told me I talked like a deaf person
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
