I can't watch pbs sober anymore
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
