living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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