I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
