Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
