I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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