Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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