Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
