I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
