She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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