how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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