either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i used baking grease as lip gloss
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
