Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
