I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
