So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
