I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
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