Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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