Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
