I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
