Just mADE A PArabola og urine
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
