My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
