she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
