I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
