I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
