Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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