her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
