all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
